Friday, 20 March 2009

Weekend kicks, Ghost Dog and Champo League draw

Whattup homz(s)

First off, one of the surprising elements of the blog of late has been our status as a bizarre update service on The Expendables starring Sylvester Stallone and every major action star of the last 20 years. I’m guessing it’s because most of our readers have Predator, Terminator and Tango & Cash amongst their top 20 movies of all time. And I salute that.

Well maybe not Tango & Cash but some manner of Stallone vehicle anyway (though obviously not Over the Top or Oscar either). So it is with a heavy heart that I report that Forest Whittaker has left the project. Yes Ghost Dog has left the building. We can only hope Inspector Todd from Beverly Hills Cop takes his place; that’s if the DA hasn’t been all over his ass to close the Tandino murder.

Moving on though…

Frankly this weekend should kick all manner of arse with the amount of sport on our screens. Egg chasing and boxing add to a fairly decent line up of Premier League games and here’s a short bash at predictions before getting on to that shocking draw earlier today…

Saturday
Blackburn v West Ham: 2-1, Blackburn need the points and, apparently, if you scan down this page you’ll see that they think they’re worth it. Fat Sam’s sisters doin’ it for themselves eh.
Fulham v Man Utd: Hmmm… what I want to happen, 1-1. What will happen, fuck it, 1-1.
Newcastle v Arsenal: Arse get a rude awakening up north… for 20 minutes. Then romp home 1-3.
Portsmouth v Everton: Not a hum dinger by any means. Not anything really. 2-0.
Stoke v Middlesbrough: ‘Boro to get another win to move slightly up the table. 0-1.
Tottenham v Chelsea: Come on blobby Robbie, get another screamer against Chelsea this year. Okay, you’ll lose but anyway give it a lash. 1-2.
West Brom v Bolton: The Ginger Mourinho pulls it out of the bag again (careful) against his old club. 0-2.

Sunday
Liverpool v Aston Villa: Home win, just. 1-0.
Man City v Sunderland: Home win, by a mile. 4-1.
Wigan v Hull: Football loses. Nah only kidding, Hull against Arsenal was great entertainment before it was over shadowed by the world’s most unlikely streetfightin’ man, Cesc Fabregas. Wigan meanwhile do play some decent football when given the chance. The JJB, soon to be renamed the DW Stadium (yippee more reasons to hate Dave Whelan) has to be the ugliest ground in the Premier League though. Real Madrid’s 1960 side would look like hoofers playing on that shite surface. How did I end up talking about this game so long… anyway, eh 3-1.

********
And then came this…


Villarreal v Arsenal
Manchester United v FC Porto
Liverpool v Chelsea
Barcelona v Bayern Munich


I had planned on writing some attempt at in-depth analysis of the ties we have been presented with but frankly I think the words ‘shit on a stick’ have never been so apt. It’s a terrible draw, a terrible one. Maybe an entertaining game between Bayern and Barca but despite the Germans huge score against Sporting Lisbon in the last round, they could blitzed in the first 20 minutes here, in fact I think they’ll be embarrassed over the two legs. This folks, is a team being left in Andriy Voronin’s wake. I think that says it all.

Keeping Bayern’s Sporting result in mind though you can only think United will ask the ref if they can blow up early once they get into double figures against Porto. Perhaps Arse will concede a goal or two against Villareal to make things interesting and then of course there’s…. well there’s shit on a stick at Stamford Bridge and Anfield.

For United fans it’s a decent draw obviously, with perhaps Arsenal stopping them in the semis their only fear. However, even the most ardent Unireh man has to admit these quarter finals look about as entertaining as a repeat of You’ve Been Framed. And I’m talking about an episode with the fat yoke from Emmerdale to boot, not even one where you could distract yourself by trying to get a glimpse of Jeremy Beadle’s freaky little hand.

Oh Uefa, why do you do these things to us?

Later, JJ

16 comments:

Buckley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Buckley said...

The fix is in. UEFA have potentially the final they would dearly love, they've been telling journo's as much for weeks now. And its no surprise they've thrown United the easy route there, because well, they're a bit shit really. Whereas you'd be confident enough in Barca's ability to get there without needing a personal escort from UEFA.

JJ said...

Hmmm... no matter how evil an organisation is surely no man wants to see more Liverpool v Chelsea 'action'.

Buckley said...

Which is exactly why they're getting it out of the way now silly.

And besides as a fan of Liverpool, any game we play we be exciting for me, the fan. Fuck the neutrals.

Buckley said...

Which is cliched rubbish anyway.

United and Barca last year was every bit as bad a spectacle for the neutral as any of the Chelsea Liverpool ties.

JJ said...

Consider me served.

Anonymous said...

Just when there was a "feelgood factor" around Anfield.......
LUHG.
p.s. Would someone please tell benitez to shut the fuck up with his constant fucking bleating...it's getting a teeny bit tiresome.

Anonymous said...

Just read Buckleys first post.....I'd almost forgotten why I hated liverpool fans, you've restored my faith. All I can say is ,thanks!!
LUHG.
p.s. Jaysus,I'd say Essien is shittin himself at the thoughts of facing Lucas,would you? Although the shit Brazillian,(surely the worst since the club foot of kleberson) will probably play as a second right back in the fatmans masterplan!

JJ said...

The irony train just doesn't stop at your station does it LUHG? Five weeks ago called, it wants those rants back.

Giving out about Benitez in the week Fergie was bleating on about the Pool manager's comments and everything else to that bastion of truth Alastair Campbell.

Then laying into Lucas when he owned Anderson and Carrick with ease last week. Hehe, nice week stewing over that result then?

Anonymous said...

Re: Benitezs' comments, what was referring to was his immediate reaction to the draw, how United are now favourites and they got an easier draw than his beloved (when he gets his own way) liverpool. Well boo fucking hoo, is he going to come with a new european dossier on how Ferguson influenes the little balls they make the draw with now???
As for Lucas, that was me being ironic!!He played well though, against two midfielders who decided to rest themselves for this weeks trip to Fulham, you know rather than play in Uniteds biggest game of the season, thanks for that fellas! Re: Stewing on last saturdays result.... I'l have you know I was fine by Wednesday afternoon,ok?!!!
LUHG.
p.s. "Five weeks called...." What are you gay?

Anonymous said...

Gay,or is Chandler Bing the real brains behind ODF??

JJ said...

Could we BE any more of a blog.... (insert x files theme here)

soupnazi said...

An irony debate, lovely.The death of irony can't come soon enough. Like when some of your mates sends you a card with some big titted bird and a sad tagline. Nothing against this sort of thing personally, worst result the card isn't funny but hey you get to see some boobs. It's just, be honest, either you thought it was funny or you didn't so don't try and cover yourself by sending it in a 'clever ironic' sort of way.
Anyway liked the jerk-store reference and don't stop just because, honestly it does sound a bit gay. The 'well I had sex with your wife' even comes off better in a blog row.
Football? How can the last draw which had me wishing a month of my life away in anticipation lead to this pile of meh?

Buckley said...

"Well boo fucking hoo, is he going to come with a new European dossier on how Ferguson influences the little balls they make the draw with now??????"

I'm sure Mr. Ferguson has nearly said as much before has he not? Something about sending someone over there from Manchester? Could be wrong, i'm a little hazy this morning, though this game on Setanta has perked me right up.

Buckley said...

Oh and its hardly far fetched to think the draw is rigged, was only last year the exact set of ties were posted right around the internetz before the draw was ever made..

Mark said...

it's like the daily star's txt maniacs with punctuation and spelling. fight fight fight!