Thursday, 31 May 2007

Podcast - ODF 30 May 07

Hi Folks,
Mark here.

This week's podcast is online & we start with Pub Talk and move swiftly onto the inaugural Okey Doke awards, which we hope you enjoy. Thanks very much for all your suggestions, it was a tight finish in some cases, but we think we've captured the spirit of the awards. Please leave your comments below.
The show is almost an hour this week as we had so much stuff to get through and if you occasionally hear me 'eh' it is either because a) JJ is fiddling with the computer trying to delete files, thus distracting me or b) because we started drinking heavily during the long show.

Download the file here by right click (
or subscribe to the RSS feed here (
Via iTunes, click this

United have this morning signalled their intent for next season with the capture of Anderson and Nani as the replacements for Scholes and Giggs. It is a considerable coup, considering half the clubs in Europe were creaming their pants at the thought of these guys, and has Queiroz all over it. There are rumours that he is also responsible for Evra and Vidic, so although he has been seen as a bad influence on Fergie, maybe this is why he is there. At least it is something to justify his salary.
So immediately the pressure is on United's rivals to match them, it will surely make for a frantic summer of dealing, Chelsea are sure to strengthen their already strong team and Liverpool need to invest wisely. Arsenal have claimed they won't spend much but surely they need to be careful of Spurs and Everton creeping up on them?

Talk to ya later,

Wednesday, 30 May 2007

McClaren in 4 situations

Hi Folks,
Mark here.
Apologies for the lack of blog yesterday, amazingly, people pay me to do real work, and afterwards, I got distracted with a bit of Championship Manager 01/02 and preparing for tonight's podcast.

Thanks for all your suggestions on last Friday blog, keep 'em coming.

A quick word about Red-faced Stevie Mc. He can't win, can he? He drops Beckham to show that it is a break from Sven, a new regime. Beckham plays reasonably well for Real, as he has done since joining them, McClaren doesn't want to be embarrassed in Wembley in a friendly against Brazil, and faces the sack if they fail to beat a team ranked 110th in the world next week. So, the handbrake is applied and a neat 3 point turn later, Becks is back.

So what will happen in these next two games:
  1. Beckham plays well, and sets up or scores a goal in each game, justifying his inclusion. The media's reaction - McClaren was wrong to ditch him, Beckham is great, etc.
  2. Beckham plays reasonably well but England lose to Brazil and beat Estonia 1-0 in last minute - McClaren wrong to bring him back, he's finished, past it, etc.
  3. Beckham plays terribly, England don't beat Estonia - McClaren is sacked, with his reputation more in ruins, and looking like a weak man.
  4. Beckham plays brilliantly but England don't beat Estonia - McClaren is sacked but has shown great humility to bring him back

So, Capello, and indeed other managers over the years, have u-turned, and brought players back into the fold. It is not about 'recognising your mistakes', 'being strong enough to admit you were wrong', it's quite simple, the closer to the sack you get, the more desperate you become, willing to try anything. The only way Steve can save his ass is by winning games, if he needs Beckham to do it, so be it. The outcome determines reality.



Monday, 28 May 2007

Podcast Format Announcement

Mark here.

We will be continuing, bar holidays, during the summer with the podcast.
To save ourselves from tedious transfer gossip for the whole show, we'll probably be doing a slightly shorter show, about 30 mins. We may not be strictly sticking to the Thursday night/Friday morning schedule as during the season, but we'll give you advance notice of the next show.

As it's summer it's a time to kick back, relax, crack open beer (no change then) and some of the ideas we will be covering are:

Where are they now?
African football leagues, what's going on there?
Irish Eircom League (depending on factors outside our control)

We will, of course be covering as much of Copa America as we can see.
Pub talk will remain, but we will try as much as possible to avoid rumours and only speak of actual transfers.

From mid-July onwards, we will be doing brief team by team season previews as part of our build up, and from mid-August we will be back as normal.

Priority 1 this summer is to improve voice and sound clip quality, once we learn how to properly use the audio software...

We'd like to thank everyone who has listened this season, we've had a good laugh doing it so far, and the next podcast is out on Wednesday night (GMT).

Some random football thoughts for the day:
Congrats to Derby on promotion, we'll see if Barnes is any good in the Prem
McClaren seems to be digging a hole for himself with this Beckham recall, a catch 22 situation.
Reports that Abramovich won't be bankrolling Chelsea will surely lead to a tedious summer of Lampard/Terry to 'x' club. Spare us...


Friday, 25 May 2007

End of Season Awards

Hi Folks,
Mark here.

This week's podcast is online & we discuss:
FA Cup and Champions League opinion. Pub talk featuring Newcastle, Baptista and more. We hate John Terry and the categories for Okey Doke awards

Download the file here by right click (
or subscribe to the RSS feed here (
Via iTunes, click this

Please send us in your suggestions for our end of season awards, which we will cover in next weeks podcast. The categories are:

  1. Most hated player
  2. Most hated team
  3. Biggest waste of space
  4. Stupid move of the season
  5. Reason to watch football
  6. Worst tackle
  7. Worst kit
  8. Worst haircut
  9. Worst excuse
  10. Worst pundit
  11. Worst manager

Please leave your suggestions below or email

(note: we are open to new categories)

As promised, here is the link to the wonderful Graham Taylor documentary from 1993:



Thursday, 24 May 2007


Well folks,

JJ here, hungover but decidedly not as heartbroken as I expected. A good performance from Liverpool was needed and that's exactly what happened last night. But something was pretty obvious to anyone watching...

Liverpool dominated possession but... didn't have a world class striker to lead the line. Starting with Kuyt was the safe option and I'm disappointed that Rafa chose that route.

Otherwise, in no particular order, here's what we also learned last night :

- Pennant is a willing runner, has decent skill but unless his crossing improves massively he'll be back playing for Birmingham this time next year.

- Zenden is everything we ever thought he was. So that's uninspiring, unremarkable and unbelievable that he should find himself playing in a European Cup final.

- Gerrard should never play as a support striker. He would have proved far more effective in the middle or on the wing. This would have allowed a second recognised striker and added a lot more cutting edge to the attack.

- Kaka is a beautiful footballer. His Zidane turn in the first half was genius, while his pass for the second goal was pure gold. Legend in the making, already half way there.

Anyway, I'm sure there's more but my head is way to shaky for any deep thinking. Overall, nothing to be ashamed off and next year awaits. The purge has begun already with Gonzalez, Kewell and Zenden on their way out. Roll on a summer of transfer links of anyone with a decent left peg.

Tuesday, 22 May 2007

Moving & Shaking

Hi Folks,
Mark here.

I'm back blogging again today as JJ is off pressing the flesh with some movers and shakers. I don't want to give out much details but lets just say: Okey Doke Movie.

Onto football - I really can't believe Robson has been put in as manager to Sheffield United. These football directors have a lot to answer for. (You can see Captain Marvel's stats here:,17033,8652_2141175,00.html) Why do football clubs persist in hiring these losers? No doubt there is a big fat contract and certain fee upon sacking - the only profession that gets rewarded for not doing their job successfully.

Our old friend Tom Hicks was in the news today - he gave an interview to the Guardian (,,2085138,00.html) - and will have angered nobody with the following quote: "No-one likes the word franchise. It's not a franchise but it is a franchise. It's a unique club that has such an affinity with its fans, both locally and really globally. That is a franchise"

Despite the deal for Liverpool being the exact same situation as at United, less £100m or so, there has been little comment or protest from Liverpool fans. Why? They were already in debt, whoring themselves around the world for the past 3/4 seasons in the hope of a suitor, and have failed since 1990 to win the League, despite many good cup victories. So the money will be welcome, but if anyone thinks the £40m promised this summer will be enough to challenge for the title, they'll be very optimistic indeed. In reality, the previous Liverpool board failed commercially, whilst Man Utd left them behind in financial stakes. Man Utd may have a bigger debt, but they have a considerably larger revenue and profit than the Pool to pay it off with. Man Utd get £25m per season plus any profit made from player sales. Will Liverpool get £40m every season? And, even if they do, will they be accused of 'buying' the league? Will their big name targets come - Eto'o, Torres, Tevez? Answers below please.

I'll be back tomorrow with a preview of the Champo League-o final, I got my prediction right for last Saturday. Lets see if I can get lucky for the second time this year...


Monday, 21 May 2007

New Wembley Charm

Mark here.

Well, what a terrible FA Cup final! After sitting through the tedious drone of BBC, switching to Sky, then quickly switching back again, now watching a bunch of former captains coming out on the pitch to a chorus of boos, in what seemed like a procession of ex- and current- BBC pundits. The game started at 1 mile per hour, on a pitch that made Stamford Bridge look like a bowling green just before a match versus Barca. Too dry, they said. Well, I was hoping John Terry's and/or Frank Lampard's tears would moisten the ground before the end of the match - alas, twas not to be, Drogba won the game superbly with a few minutes to go. Even the neutral (on the off chance they were still watching) didn't get the penalty excitement they deserved, or any of the blissful ruck that 'marred' the end of the Carling Cup final.

So, Chelsea have taken the bare look off their season, but United still have the bragging rights in England. Liverpool will be up for the chance to walk around with 6 fingers perpetually aloft, ready to sing a devilishly funny song to any United supporter in range (in some cases, only one hand is necessary).

So my preparation for Wednesday's match is to not listen at all to what Stevie Gerrard has to say, because it's all bollox. He's not the only one to have a opinion of course but his continual bleating about something has really worn me down. There's a nice sense of freedom now, I encourage everyone to try it....

Myself or JJ will be back soon with a post,

Chin up,

Thursday, 17 May 2007

The weakness of man

Alright folks, hope ye are enjoying the podcast

JJ here with random Thursday thoughts….

As we get into the home straight towards Athens – where heavy drinking will come hand in hand with glory or heartbreak for Liverpool fans – I thought I’d share two tales of absolute woe that I came across recently. You see, while I have block-booked the last week in May for celebrations and a tremendous amount of alcohol and junk food, some people have ended up on the cutting room floor of life when it comes to next Wednesday. Was that a bad enough metaphor for ya?

Ahem, let's move on….

The first tale is of Bob, and Bob needs no sympathy whatsoever because he got himself into this mess. Some time ago this Liverpool fan of over 20 years purchased tickets to a gig for his mate’s birthday. It’s for Ray Davies at Vicar St in Dublin and Bob, being the kind of bloke he is, said he’ll go to the gig with this mate. The other bloke doesn’t like football by the way… which wouldn’t be important except that doors open for the gig at 7.30 next Wednesday ( ).

I’ve come up with a huge amount of excuses for him to get out: the plague; a debilitating cold; his leg fell off; he’s getting divorced and life is really hard right now; he was abused by a man called Ray Davies as a child; and that’s to name but a few. All untrue of course (in case any lawyers are looking at that abuse remark) but just use one, or even one of your own Bob, this thing has to be skipped. For the love of Cheryl Cole’s arse, it has to be skipped.

He won’t do it. He’s saying he can’t get out of it while I bemoan that he ever doubted that May 23 should have been kept sacred. Had he no faith! Okay so I picked Chelsea for the semis but I still wouldn’t have bought those feckin tickets. Get him a book for his birthday! A TV, a pet chicken, anything else but those feckin tickets!

He’s even talking about getting a small portable TV that he can fit into his pocket. Do these even exist? I think the pressure has got to him to be honest and he’s plucking at straws.

The second tale is of Ronan, another lifelong Pool fan who is currently selling software to a bunch of Americans while in Boston for two weeks. He left last Monday. Next Wednesday he is supposed to be in a meeting with someone called Chad or something when kick-off is approaching. He’ll spend at least two hours discussing going forward; realising goals; quarterly figures; customer relationship management and all manner of bollocks while anyone in their right mind is in the corner of a pub cursing the ref and getting Guinness lips.

He says he can’t get out of it.

Bob says he can’t get out of it.

I say – and I speak confidently as a complete layabout – that these fellas have to ask themselves some serious questions. If Liverpool win, this will be an amazing night, one that won’t be repeated for… well two years on their current record. But fuck it, if you’re missing this then you’re just not giving back to football. It gives you Saturday after Saturday and Champions League classic after Champions League classic as well as much, much more. And how do you repay it?

You sing along to ‘You Really Got Me’ on acoustic guitar and sell data security to yanks.

Lads, you’re letting us all down.

Does anyone else have similar tales of such foolish men out there?

New Podcast 0DF 17 May 07

Hi Folks,
our weekly podcast is now online.

We discuss:
The wrap up of the Premiership,
Pub Talk featuring the managerial changes,
FA Cup final preview, Champions League Final,
UEFA Cup final opinion,
the Legend that is Romario.

Downlaod the file here by right click (

or subscribe to the RSS feed here (
Via iTunes, click this

Hope you enjoy the show, thanks for your support,


P.s. rumour of the day is Ranieri to Man City, please let this be true, as his post match interviews were remarkably entertaining. Unlike James Richardson, Ranieri didn't give me a biscuit, so there is no bias on my part....

Tuesday, 15 May 2007

Season Review

Mark here.

Best Football - Man Utd, run close by the Arse but when you don't score goals, you don't win awards. Wenger blames the new stadium but they are unbeaten at home this season - it's their away form that has been poor this season.

Best player - Michael Essien, a world class midfielder, who does quite a turn at centre- and right-back.

Most improved player - Ronaldo, the tricks and flicks remain but they generally lead to an assist or goal now. Has cut out the majority of diving, but there have been a few dubious penalties.

Runner up - Drogba, a different, more effective player this season, 32 goals at the time of writing means Chelsea finished second rather than fourth.

Best match - Tottenham 2 Chelsea 1, beautiful goal from Makelele set up a great match, Lennon rifled in a top class winner, Terry sent off at the end. A match full of drama and excitement.

Runner up - West Ham 3 Tottenham 4, would have won if it wasn't remarkably cruel on the Hammers.

Most surprising things this season:
1 Ferdinand looks like a proper defender, next to new best bud Nemanja
2 O'Shea is an effective goalscorer and big game player
3 Makelele's top level career looks to be over
4 Only 1 dirty incident of revenge against Ronaldo - Ball's studs last week
5 Charlton have 4 managers in a year

Least surprising things this season
1 Lampard shanks in a lot of goals but still seems to add nothing to the team
2 Watford were relegated
3 Stuart Pearce is not a good manager
4 England are crap under McClaren

Best young players - Fabregas, Agger, Ronaldo, Noble
Worst football - Watford, Middlebrough
Worst Players - Ooijer, Richard Wright, Kirkland, Zenden

Best Pundit - Leonardo, as I could only understand him 10% of the time
Worst Pundit - Mark Lawrenson, too camp, gets everything wrong, loves the Pool

Most injury hit player - take your pick from Saha, Kewell, G Neville, Upson, Owen

We'll have an end of season extarvaganza on the podcast coming up soon, similar to last Christmas (though we should be more sober).

And on this weeks podcast, out on Thursday - The wrap up of the Premiership, Pub Talk featuring the managerial changes, FA Cup final preview, Champions League Final, UEFA Cup final opinion, the Legend that is Romario and some (ok, a lot of) lame jokes we overheard...for which we beg your mercy and understanding.

(Notes for next seasons podcasts- Dave Navarro isn't funny, don't repeat jokes you've been emailled or texted, as the whole world has already heard them)


Monday, 14 May 2007

How was it for you?

JJ here,

And now, the end is near… oh wait, it’s over. Shit, what am I supposed to do with my weekends now? Watch swimming or rallying on Grandstand? Oh the humanity.

Right anyway, you’ll be picking over the season reviews in today’s papers and they’re all choosing their highlights and lowlights from the Premiership (here’s the excellent Paul Wilson and the big-haired David James doing so for starters: ), so why don’t we.

Here’s my picks, all routine categories. Send on your folks.

Best Player: Paul Scholes.
Never liked him due to the shirt he wears but he has been amazing this season. His goal against Villa during Christmas ( ) was a lesson in how to hit a ball.

Best Team: Man U
Coped with the loss of Van Nistelrooy by changing their style of play to suit Ronaldo. His 23 goals followed and they became as unbearably brilliant as they’ve been in a decade.

Best Game: West Ham 3 - 4 Spurs, March 07
Absolute classic, how West Ham survived after this horrible, horrible loss is amazing. Tevez began to show his class and got his first goal for the home side with a great free kick to put them two-nil ahead (the highlights have been taken down from Daily Motion, the bastards). Then it went to 2-2, before Zamora headed in an 85th minute goal from a Tevez free. A Berbatov free 90 seconds later and a Paul Stalteri finish five minutes into injury time got Spurs all three points. What. A. Game. You can shove your Grand Slam Sundays up your arse.

Best Buy: Carlos Tevez
My ‘Tevez for Liverpool’ bandwagon has begun in earnest. Legalities aside, he kept them in the league, what more do you want?

Most Improved Player: Patrice Evra
From pure shite last year to being the best left back in England; a huge turnaround.

Young Player of the Year: Daniel Agger
After a rocky start Agger has filled the boots of Sami Hyppia brilliantly. Great shot on him and will only get better. With Alonso having a slow season he should probably be regarded as Benitez’s best buy so far.

Best Pundit: Johnny Giles
Despite the obsession with ‘moral courage’ he talks sense in a field dominated by jokers and morons.


Worst Player: Cashley Cole
There’s probably some folk who performed worse but this maggot of a human being isn’t fit to tie Wayne Bridge’s boots. Somehow regarded as world class. Explain please.

Worst Team: Watford
The logical choice. Awful football all season. Honourable mention for Man City who were truly horrendous as well.

Worst Game: Man City v Watford, Dec 06
Surprised? Of course not. This 0-0 draw is the worst game I’ve seen in years, never mind this season. Anyone who complained about the Chelsea v Liverpool matches should sit through this and see what bad football really looks like.

Worst Buy: Andriy Shevchenko
Who else could it be? Upset the balance of the side that had won the league two years on the trot. Want evidence? Ahem…

Least Impressive Young Player of the Year: Anton Ferdinand
It would be harsh to give it to Chelsea’s Kalou as this was his first season in the league but Ferdinand’s descent from quality to calamity marks him out. A headless chicken; a rabbit in the headlights; choose your description but frankly he was appalling all year.

Least Improved Player: James Beattie
A waste of a great deal of space and proof that while David Moyes can get things very right at times, he can also get things very, very wrong. Per Kroldrup ( ) is yet more evidence of this.

Worst Pundit: Alan Shearer
Ah, how to pick from all the jokers and morons? Well considering his contract with the BBC is so large, Shearer has to get it above Redknapp and the inconsequential Gavin Peacock. Talks nonsense week in week out and does so with a disgracefully smug look on his face; a look that will only be wiped away when he messes up the Newcastle job in a few years time. Can anyone tell me a good point he has made? Anyone?

Well folks, your thoughts?

Thursday, 10 May 2007

Questions Questions

Howdy folks,
JJ here,

With this season nearly out of the way, there are some questions that need to be posed in regards to next year. Who knows what will change over the summer but there are a few things that stand out at the moment. Off the top of my head I can think of…

Will the greatness of football on YouTube and Daily Motion be denied to the masses?
Well, if certain judgements go against them, we may indeed be denied the pleasure of such excellent blogs as The Premier League are suing sites that put footage of games out online without permission and while it’s a huge legal wrangle that we won’t attempt to fully understand, those in power in the Premiership and Sky should realise there is a huge market for this. They should at least offer similar services on their outdated sites. Hopefully the legal case will go on for a few years to give us breathing space and more free goals.

Can Scholes and Giggs pull off one more great season?
Scholes’ comeback from last year’s problems with his sight has been amazing. Although, he did look dead on his feet whenever Gattuso marked him against Milan and that could be a warning for next year. Giggs will most likely do well, but then again not many fans have been singing his praises in the three years previous to this season. It will be intriguing to watch. Was this year one last push or is there something more left in the tank?

Will the £40 million TV money for each club leave some of them drunk with power?
Well the last time there was so much money flying around, Ipswich bought Finidi George, Everton got Daniel Amokachi and John Hartson went to Wimbledon for £7.5 million. Hopefully clubs have learned from these mistakes, but most likely not. Managers who have never had money before can easily get lured into buying a ‘big’ name only for them to fall flat on their face. Benito Carbone anyone? I give you good price!!!

What will be the latest ‘threat to football as we know it’?
Last year it was the Tevez and Mascherano transfers that would ‘usher in a new era of similar deals’, as we were told by some very highly paid columnists. These deals would see players have all the power and shady businessmen control clubs from afar… okay so maybe both of those statements are true already. But, the over-reaction to the dodgy Argentinean deals shows that football writers should stick to writing on the game, not on legal matters and finance.

Will Alex come to play for Chelsea?
The Mourinho v Arnesen battle has been brewing for some time and this Brazilian’s contract is up in the air. The PSV man says he’s owned by Chelsea; the men at Chelsea say it’s “complicated”; while Arnesen says nothing. Mourinho can reflect on the last central defender Arnesen insisted on buying – the horrendously limited Boulharouz. The manager can assert his power by stopping Alex in his tracks and getting his own man, no matter how poor he is at signing players at times.

What excuse can under-performing stars have next season?
No major summer competitions and a good long break for everyone. Performers with huge reputations like Rooney, Gerrard, Henry, Fat Frank, Lil Mickey Owen and Fabregas will have to be on top of their game from the kick off in August.

And finally, the obvious one…. Can anyone new challenge for a top four finish? Hmmm…well in short:

Newcastle? A possibility with four or five new signings and Fat Sam’s ugly if generally successful style of play.

Bolton? No chance, could be a rocky time ahead.

Villa? They need to challenge so that the owner is happy and O’Neill keeps his job. Fifth a must.

Sunderland? Despite having never seen the current squad against a Premiership side, all the signs are that the top eight is manageable, especially considering the flab that lies around the mid-table in the Premiership. Not top four though.

Everton? Even with this year’s relative success, they’ve not enough cash to compete. A small club as a wise man once said.

Spurs? Now or never for Martin Jol… I’ll go out on a limb and say that if Berbatov stays and they actually, at last, fill the problems on the left hand side they might finish in the top four. That’s depending of course on Arsenal and Liverpool having similar seasons to this one… but that’s a question for a longer article on another day.

West Ham? Anton Ferdinand is leaving and Tevez might stay. It could just work…

Tuesday, 8 May 2007


Hiya Lads,
Mark here.

So, an eventful weekend saw United champions, Charlton relegated and West Ham take a huge step towards survival.

United are expected to field a relatively fringe team tomorrow vs Chelsea, so I think it will be quite amusing to see Terry, Lampard et al forming a guard of honour for the likes of Richardson, Dong and O'Shea. I think we could all guess their thoughts. To the weekend - United deservedly beat a terrible Man City side, though they had VDS to thank for his lucky peno save. City are now the worst home scorers ever - since the leagues began over 120 years ago. On Sunday, Chelsea had the hapless Boulharouz to thank for providing an impression of Traore. Khalid was out of position, making poorly timed challenges and finally gave away a penalty and was sent off. To those slagging off Mourinho for playing Essien at centre back, they got their riposte that afternoon. Overall, Chelsea did well to come back into the game with ten men, though they were helped by the profligacy of Adebayor - a skillful player who needs to step up his scoring to be 1st choice at the Arse next season. Ultimately, Chelsea's endeavour wasn't enough and United took the title.
At the start of the season, there was much talk about United's squad weaknesses, but this was overcome by the 19 different players who scored in the league, and a ruthlessness at putting teams away, while their contenders stumbled (example: United scored 4 home and 4 away to Bolton, Chelsea 1-0 away and 2-2 at home). I'll expand more in the podcast this week.

Charlton are down, and I can't say I'm disappointed. I'm a fan of Pardew and I do not believe another manager could have done much better in keeping them up. Their squad is paper thin, and plainly not good enough. I would like to see Wigan relegated, as they add nothing to the Premiership - atmosphere, fans, history, players (Heskey). However, it will be a disgrace if West Ham stay up. The Premier league think they are on safe ground because the precedent of points deductions to other clubs occurred because of incorrect registrations - Tevez and Masch's registrations were fine - other rules were broken. This is, obviously, complete bollox, a way to deflect attention. Also, the wording of the outcome was strange to say the least - they didn't want the West Ham fans to suffer, etc.

I haven't enough time to go into all the other news from the weekend, but briefly:

As usual, we'll take the pick of the stories from football for our pub talk section on the podcast. Feel free to leave comments below or email



Friday, 4 May 2007

Podcast and Charming Ashley

Hey folks,
JJ here,

Hope you're enjoying the new podcast and know more than you could have ever dreamed about Wimbledon FC/MK Dons/Dublin Dons/AFC Wimbledon;o)

As promised here's the lyrics to a tune which of course we just found and in no way endorse the findings therof. Any part with ****** instead of a word apparently is something that rhymes with 'drag'. We at Okeydoke are at a loss.... anyhoo


When you were Arsenal, you were wanting more
You were chatting to that Chelsea whore
What ya do that for? (What ya do that for)
Now you’re at Chelsea, you’ve got something to say
The whole of England knows your gayB
ecause you walk that way (because you walk that way)

Ashley you’re a Chelsea ******
You should’ve been an England WAG
And your Geordie bird is a slag (what a slapper!)
When you were feeling all out on your own
We know the games that you play with your phone
You stick it up your jacks, then you whine and you moan

Ashley Cole is a Chelsea batty boy
He’s a Chelsea batty boy, he’s a Chelsea batty boy
Ashley Cole is a Chelsea batty boy
He’s a Chelsea batty boy, he’s a Chelsea batty boy

Whenever we see you, you know we’re gonna give you stick‘
Cause you’re a little Chelsea prickAnd you do suck dick (and you do suck dick)
We can’t wait to beat you, Arsenal’s gonna kick your ass
Got the best left back - Gallas
He’s another class

Ashley you’re a Chelsea ******
You should’ve been an England WAG
And your Geordie bird is a slag (what a slapper!)
When you were feeling all out on your own
We know the games that you play with your phone
You stick it up your jacks, then you whine and you moan

Ashley Cole is a Chelsea batty boy
He’s a Chelsea batty boy, he’s a Chelsea batty boy
Ashley Cole is a Chelsea batty boy
He’s a Chelsea batty boy, he’s a Chelsea batty boy

You're a ******, you’re a dick, you’re a knob, you’re a prick
And Mourinho’s crap, I bet you swallowed it
You’re a ******, you’re a dick, you’re a knob, you’re a prick

Ashley Cole is a Chelsea batty boy
He’s a Chelsea batty boy, he’s a Chelsea batty boy
Ashley Cole is a Chelsea batty boy
He’s a Chelsea batty boy, he’s a Chelsea batty boy

etc etc etc to infinity.....

Thursday, 3 May 2007

48 sweet hours

Well, well, well
JJ here,

Where do I start, first of all for any Man U fans who think Pool folk are going overboard after last night, I think you should take in just how disappointing a season this has been up until the last two days.

In the first few months of the season some horrendous decisions by Rafa Benitez left Liverpool lying like a dead corpse in the middle of the table, defeated at Old Trafford, Chelsea and even the Emirates by undoubtedly better sides. Whether it was Rio’s swivel and shot for Man U or Drogba’s almost violently good winner for Chelsea, all those teams seemed to have a level that was simply above the Spaniard’s squad.

Then came the cups and at the start of January we had two awful maulings by an Arsenal side that played the best football of the season so far. All this while watching Man United and Chelsea storm off up the league table.

It’s been an unbearably bad season at times with little to celebrate. Gonzalez hasn’t proved anything; Bolo has been overused (ie he’s been used); Aurellio has looked like he’s been on holiday for most of the time; meanwhile Gerrard, Alonso and Riise have all lacked form for extended period of time. The lack of a 25-goal striker doesn’t even need to be analyzed; it’s an obvious issue.

Then came the Barca game with the team supposedly at its lowest ebb, and a victory away that was well deserved. The win over two legs was excellent, even if they were hanging on in the end. This year has seen comfortable league victories over Chelsea and Arsenal, major barriers for Benitez in the recent past. A last-minute loss to United however still showed they had a lot more to learn and that this season may be one of those horrible ‘times of transition’ that managers shite on about.

PSV were swatted aside as any team would do and it was then, I must confess, that the darkness appeared once more. Essien’s late winner for Chelsea against Valencia set up a semi final rematch that I felt the team in blue would surely win. They owed Liverpool one after the last two years; they had to prove they wouldn’t wilt under the Anfield crowd too. Signs were, as they closed in on United in the league, that they were well capable of it.

Last week Chelsea were excellent and the Pool were lucky to get out at only 1-0. Then came Chelsea’s weekend collapse at Bolton while Liverpool fans watched in disgusted horror as a big slice of luck (in the shape of Everton’s keeper) helped out Man United.

Chelsea’s awful style of play at Anfield was unfortunately matched by the home team for much of the game, but there was only one team who were showing any kind of enterprise when that pattern broke and it certainly wasn’t Mourinho’s. Over the two legs, I’ll hand on heart say that Liverpool deserved it. Before that game I didn’t think it would happen but it did, and did so in dramatic, exciting fashion.

Note: I never again want to hear a commentator say ‘we don’t want to see it going to penalties’. Certainly for the neutral after going through the tension (as some non-biased fans I know called it) or the pain (as Mark called it) of the 210 minutes in this tie, penalties were the least they deserved.

For most of the season Liverpool have been rubbish; for most of the season Man United and Chelsea have been quality. But in the last two days Liverpool made it to the Champions League final, John Terry cried and Man United played like girlie men on the big occasion.

Any notion that Liverpool don’t deserve to be there after beating Barcelona and Chelsea over four legs is rubbish as well. The Champions League is a huge trophy and to win it twice in three years would be an achievement that only Real Madrid under Del Bosque (correct me if I’m wrong and I’m sure someone will) could match in the modern era. In fact, during two of Real’s recent triumphs they finished fourth (2000) and fifth (2002) in La Liga, yet there’s no discussion over whether Del Bosque was a great manager, certainly not at Okeydokefootball.

Yes, if there’s no league challenge next year there will be huge questions that may result in Benitez going, but for now I’ll take that minor issue of the Champions League final.

And just in case any Man United fan tries to go on about having little else to play for, United have had plenty of leagues wrapped up while still in European competition over the years. Yet they still falter at the quarters or semis.

Maybe they’ll go back to blaming Queroz for ‘his’ style of play, or perhaps they can look at a manger that has had over ten Champions League campaigns and has time and time again been outwitted on the big stage.

How many injuries came up against Leverkusen, Porto, Dortmund, Lille last year or any of the other exits? Who was the assistant manager who was ‘running’ the team then?

Mark also pointed out to me earlier that United’s star men from last week – Giggs, Rooney and Scholes – were ‘missing’ last night, yet that game was overshadowed as somehow being a personal failure of Ronaldo. It goes a lot deeper than that. Ferguson – undoubtedly the greatest manager in Premiership history – still has some problems outside his league, which, I will admit, his side should deservedly win.

But what do I care, roll on the 23rd. That’s the big one, hehe.

Wednesday, 2 May 2007

Mourinho Vs Benitez

Well, thank God that's all over.
I never want to see 2 teams managed by Mourinho and Benitez ever again play each other. Of course, we all knew in advance it was going to be like this, and yet subjected ourselves to the misery.
Jose, apart from boring the life out of us, got his tactics wrong last night. The long diagonal balls to Drogba, bypassing midfield, didn't work at all, with Carragher and Agger looking comfortable. But, crucially, there was no change for the entire game.
It was typical Mourinho - that one of the most highly sought after young attacking players in the world, Mikel, has been turned into a defensive midfielder. That Chelsea didn't try to finish the job in the first leg.
That his purchases - Kalou, Mikel, Wright-Phillips are not good enough. That his team cannot create opportunities from good play and skill (Lampard in particular being terrible). For the amount of money spent, it is a very poor return.
On the other side we have Liverpool - Benitez has his own problems, despite his team coping effectively last night. The Pool had the better chances and, arguably, deserved to go through. Some of his decisions were amazing though - keeping (even starting) Zenden on was a bad enough decision to be sacked on the spot. Overall, they made up for their lack of quality with energy and enthusiasm and will be tough opposition in the final.

Who will they meet there? We shall see tonight, I think United can get a draw, hell maybe even win it! Optimism worked for JJ last night, so I'll do the same, and hopefully I won't regret it!


Tuesday, 1 May 2007

Optimism amongst the endless headlines

Alright people,
JJ here

Is anybody else feeling drained? I dunno about anyone who reads the blog – though it’s a fair guess considering you land on this page – but a great portion of my day is spent on football sites. Reading The Guardian’s finest and even David Pleat when the fancy takes me; going to the once great, now up its own arse Football365 (what a shit podcast); even seeing if the BBC have anything decent to add. Today all of them are dominated by Pool v Chelsea and after days and days of it I just want the match to happen; the mind games are getting a little tired at this stage.

So Sheva is out; hey that’s a bonus for Chelsea, with Robben back and Cole in form they can play one up front with the two of them running off Drogba. It’s the same tactic that won them the league for two years on the trot and produced their finest football.

Off the field, the two managers have been jousting it out with little attacks here and there – Benitez generally getting the better of things with his Alonso/Drogba/yellow card remark a week ago being the highlight. But while some fans might see this as important, Chelsea are professional enough to get the job done. Bizarrely, Mourinho’s dour demeanour at present might be one of the few obstacles they have to overcome in order to see out this win.

A 1-0 lead going into a Champions League semi second leg is always a good start, you force the other team to attack and if Chelsea hold out (assuming they don’t score early themselves) it’s had not to see them picking off Liverpool in the final third of the game. Chelsea did look tired on Saturday, but they did against Newcastle the week before and were brilliant the following Wednesday against the Pool.

As Mark has said on these pages, Mourinho may well have conceded the title at this stage so they’ll be going all guns blazing. Liverpool will do as well of course; and while an early goal has been seen as the be all and end all for them I think 0-0 at half time would give them a decent shout.

It’s a hard game to call and being a Pool fan it’s hard not to believe they can win. If Essien starts at centre back that will certainly give some hope, even if he moves up to midfield and Boulahrouz comes in that’ll give the Pool a boost as well. With Finnan back I’d say play Crouchigol up with Dirk, Arbeloa at left back, Riise up the left hand side (bringing on Gonzalez for Arbeloa if they need to press more for a goal); then Monster Mash and Xabi in the middle with $tevie Me on the right – all of whom will be expected to do better this week.

Chelsea should win. Liverpool can win. Fuck it; I’ll go for Liverpool 3-1. Rabid optimism, nothing like it.