Predictions plus a list of chumps that obviously includes David Bentley

People,

Thankfully the ‘chumps’ section of this blog refers to footballers rather than predictions as I think even Lawro, with all worldly wisdom and bizarre hair, has had better luck than me on predicting the goings on of the Premier League this season.

However, unrepentant, I shall carry on, so first up a quick run through of possibilities for the weekend ahead…

Saturday
Man United v Arsenal: The big one of the weekend comes first and just because I think I may get a few of the other results right I’ll sit back and enjoy getting this wholeheartedly wrong and go for an Arsenal win, 1-2.
Bolton v Hull: Phil Brown returns to the old stomping ground and I think he’ll pick up a point here against an unmotivated Bolton side. 0-0
Everton v West Ham: With Everton players pulling out of tackles in order to survive ‘til cup final day, this may be a decent game and I’ll go for a draw here, 2-2.
Middlesbrough v Aston Villa: Bye, bye Boro? Well, not today. 3-1
Newcastle v Fulham: Even a Fulham side with virtually nothing (or the Europa League as it’s also known) to play for should be good enough to beat this Newcastle side. But ya get the feeling Newcastle could get lucky here as well what with the momentum from the other night. Hmmm… I’ll hope Shearer’s overpaid twats lose this one, 0-2.
Stoke v Wigan: Football is the winner here obviously. 1-1
Tottenham v Man City: Could be a great game, with Ledley King most likely not starting Spurs should be as leaky as his bladder for one. City were pretty toothless last week though, so maybe not a goal fest on second thoughts. Eh, clutching at straws, I’ll go for optimism 3-4

Sunday
Chelsea v Blackburn: End of season pointless 3-0 for Chelsea fans.
West Brom v Liverpool: End of season pointless 3-0 for Liverpool fans.

Monday
Portsmouth v Sunderland: Sunderland could be well in the shit if results go against them, and considering there seems to be infighting galore going on up there I’d say the gloom may continue here. 2-0.

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And now, to add to myself and Mark’s best teams of the season here’s a quickfire ‘failed to live up the hype 11’ from me.….

GK

Steve Harper: Newcastle fans have been bleating on for years about the delights of having two ‘top quality’ Premier League goalkeepers but since Shay Given left Harper has been poor. Not helped by his defence obviously, but hardly an inspirational figure behind them is he?
Right back

Jose Bosingwa: Only in here because people seemed to be sure he was some kind of football god after about three weeks of the season. He has since been shown up a weak tackler, a fairly headless runner once over the halfway line and an often woeful crosser of the ball.
Left back

Sorry dude… it has to be Dossena. We’ll always have Old Trafford though Andrea.

Centre back

David Wheater: Still the future of England’s defence? Hardly, Alan Hansen delighted in showing up his mistakes the other week.

Centre back

Anton Ferdinand: One of Roy Keane’s great final mistakes, £6 million for a defender who barely looks awake half the time.
Right winger

David Bentley: Hands up who didn’t see one that coming…
Left winger

Nani: Still wasteful, still unpicked for the big games, his time may be up.
Centre mid

Tom Huddlestone: His head got as big as gut apparently, never a good combo.
Centre mid

Joey Barton: Anyone really need an explanation?
Strikers:

Robbie Keane/Dimitar Berbatov: Continuing the Spurs theme of sorts, really at a combined £50 million plus a combined goals total of around about fuck all (Berbatov’s habit of scoring inconsequential goals late in the game has especially endeared him to Mark), there can be really no complaints folks.

Later, JJ