Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Bizarro team of the season….

Considering the fact that the PFA tend to ballot their members in November over who should get player of the season, I don’t feel too much guilt the idea of giving out a preliminary bizarro team of the season. The bizarro concept comes originally from Superman, became a brilliant idea on Seinfeld and is far more fun than picking a team of the season so far.
In bizarro world people say goodbye when they greet someone and hello when they leave; so you can pretty much guess I’m going for the side that will be so far away from the team of the season that it’ll be a surprise if they’re still professional footballers come June, never mind winning accolades and shiny new contracts.

1. Steven Bywater: Derby are an awful side but they were never helped by a truly brutal keeper. Will be remembered with the same awe and respect as that Swindon keeper I can’t remember from a decade ago. So, not remembered then. Brutal.

2. Stephen Carr: Grumpy, out of form, overrated for a good five years now and no longer playing for Ireland. Not a good man in a scrap these days Keggy.

3. John Arne Riise: A truly poor season thus far for the Norwegian who used up all his decent goals this year in the pre-season friendlies. Not the worst left back in the league, but certainly the one who has underperformed more than any other.

4. Martin Taylor: The Brum defender will be the subject of plenty of ‘where are they now’ articles in the coming years. He was a journey man up until this season and will go back to that soon enough you’d have to think.

5. Darren Leacock. For this headband alone. Eric Young would turn in his grave were he actually dead and not merely on ebay.

6. Joey Barton (captain): The fulcrum of the side, Barton would hold this motley crew together were it not for a few court dates getting in the way of team bonding. He will never win any awards voted for by other players, the general public or in fact any popularity contest whatsoever. Newcastle of course will make sure he never wins an actual trophy as well

7. Stilian Petrov: One of the few blemishes within Villa’s frankly annoying rise up the table. Generally, he looks like a timid music prodigy thrown into a game being played at a home for young offenders.

8. Steve Sidwell: Money grabbing ginge. Hello West Ham next season then. “I just wanted regular football… and eh, the signing on fee as well obviously.”

9. Anthony Stokes: Partyboy himself. Banned from a local nightclub to ensure he stayed a good boy, he’s been stuck on the left wing for most of the season looking fierce bitter altogether. Accusations of pampered Irish stars aren’t just in our heads people.

10. Diomansy Kamara: One of Lawrie Sanchez’s luxury buys in the summer has done nothing for his new side and is greeted with moans of derision whenever introduced at Craven Cottage. A Championship striker for a Championship club, so next season at Fulham will suit him just fine.

11. Antonio Valencia: Continually lauded by Paul Jewell, this fella obviously has talent but doesn’t seem to fancy showing it off at Wigan. Though, yeah trying to show class at Wigan is a tad difficult. Just look at Steve Bruce’s shirts.
Later, JJ


Mark said...

subs bench: Chris Baird & David Healy

JJ said...

Yeah, basically anyone signed by Lawrie will do. The thick rimmed glasses are fooling no one sanchez, you're a fool!

johnsull91 said...

alrit lads quality show...a bit harsh on poor antonio valencia no??come on any winger in da world would find it hard when da people on da end of da crosses are marcus bent and heskey oh ya dont forget antoine sibierski...dirk kuyt has got to be in instead of valencia-sometimes i begin 2 think dat liverpool actually have a good team until i see dat man dirk kuyt runnin around lyk a headless chicken-this guys gotten newcastle written all over him....$....

JJ said...

John you're spot on with dirk, should of had him on the bench at the very least. Valencia... the thing is there's been great things predicted of him since he came to the club.

He's had a few injuries but plenty of talent has shone out in shit sides before - Johnson at Palace, Le Tiss at Southampton and loads more - and he's just kinda plodded along with the rest of the team. Very hard to pick a bizarro winger I found.

Anonymous said...

Bizzaro manager graeme souness, fact that he's out of work shouldn't interfere in bizzaro world. Totally ruining rte champ league analysis just comes on to have his ego stroked by dunphy. Whelan points out arsenal not playing well cos passing not crisp and players may be tired. Yet again this gets twisted to no they're boys no leadership blah blah when i was at liverpool team of men blah blah. Fuck off you prat maybe they're just tired. Thank God for Trappa we had a lucky escape!

JJ said...

Oul Ronnie is one moaning old git alright, fairly shite record in the hot seat himself after doing dirt at southend and in greece.

Souness' only rival for bizarro manager would surely be Les Reed, still somehow in a job at Fulham despite being a major cog in the sanchez debacle.