No one likes the cut of this Djib...

Hey folks,
JJ here,

Only a bit of time to write today so thought I’d do the decent thing and run down what is in store this evening.

Group A
Liverpool v Marseille: Will Djibril Cisse strike a blow for average Liverpool strikers down through the ages and get revenge on the club that discarded him when it became clear he was rubbish? It’s a long question certainly. While his pace may trouble Liverpool, his finishing won’t. The absence of Samir Nasri will affect the French outfit, as will the non-absence of Bolo Zenden. Two nil win, as is the protocol in Europe for Liverpool.

Besiktas v FC Porto: Besiktas lost to Marseille in a game that, on reading reports, seemed to be as bad as the Liverpool and Porto match up. The only losers will be those who watch this. Score draw, so eh 7-7.

Group B
Rosenborg v Schalke 04: Aha, so they were founded in 1904… now the mystery of their name is solved (hey I didn’t know so it was a mystery to me), Schalke go into this game needing to make up ground having lost their first home outing against Valencia. Rosenborg are no longer even the best team in Norway and couldn’t keep a clean sheet against the minnows of Chelsea. I fancy an away win here. 1-2.

Valencia v Chelsea: We’ve written far too much about Chelsea in the last few weeks on this blog but then again they have been the big story of the last month. The drama will continue I’d say. Glorious home win, 2-0 methinks.

Group C
Werder Bremen v Olympiakos: I hate Greek football. Big bunch of feckin diving girls. I hope Werder spank them four nil.

Lazio v Real Madrid: Hmmm…. Fascist v Fascist rumble. Should be interesting; Madrid have played some awful football this season ala Man United, but keep winning ala Man United. Lazio meanwhile… well they have feck all players I know of, so I can’t really talk that much about them. I’ll go for a Madrid win and Lazio to end up in the Uefa Cup. 1-2.

Group D
Benfica v Shakhtar Donetsk: A good win for Shaktar last time out against Celtic but beating the Glasgow ‘giants’ at home is the hobby of many a European side. Huge guess: 3-2.

Celtic v AC Milan: Well, well, well the Celtic crowd will be fairly pissed off with Rangers’ start to the competition, so AC Milan won’t be the only enemy they’ll be thinking of tonight. Milan will have too much for them though; here’s hoping that the goals come after about an hour or so… just long enough for Celtic to get their hopes up about a result before these hopes are dashed. I hate Rangers too, in fact I hope they both get knocked out early. 0-2.